Friday, August 10, 2007

Cosmo girls and Ein hod summer

Cosmo's Erotic Instructions:
"This position requires some maneuvering. (And a complete disregard for personal safety.) Climb down to the second-to-last rung of the pool ladder. Do a 180, holding the (suntan oil-soaked) rails, so your back is to the wall. Lean forward and spread your legs so your guy can lower himself behind you and place his feet between your legs on the rung below you. (I'm gonna need a diagram, please. Possibly a training video.) Adjust your bodies so he can slip himself inside you." And knock you face-first into the water with his first thrust. Unless only one hand breaks free, in which case you'll simply spin and fall hard, tangling and cutting your legs in the ladder. Erotically, of course. (Not to mention the pain inflicted on Little Bruno when your full body weight drops on him unexpectedly.) I know people who have trouble using these ladders for their intended purpose, let alone as an improvised sex platform. (And by the way, has anyone ever seen a ladder like this anywhere but a public pool?)
Cosmo's Erotic Instructions:
"Save this position for a day or night when you two have the backyard to yourselves. (So you're saying during the family barbecue is a bad idea, Cosmobvious?) Stand beside a soft-spraying sprinkler and bend over so the water hits your genitals... Your partner should stand behind you and put his hands around your waist as he enters you."
More humorous than hazardous - although the high probability of a neighbor calling the cops or hitting the front page of YouTube with the video he shot of you, does add some danger. But to pull this off, you'll just need a few minor things: 1 - A "soft-spraying" sprinkler, shooting up, as pictured, at an angle I have never seen before, instead of all over, as sprinklers are designed to do. 2 - The absence of the nine other sprinklers that typically work together to water your lawn. Unless sex in the "rain" is your thing. 3 - A way to get warm water to come out of the sprinkler, instead of the usual ice cold water. 4 - A woman willing to be outside, bent over, completely naked, cold water shooting into her "genitals", with soaking wet hair. And running mascara. 5 - A snorkel to keep her from drowning as you erotically hold her head over an active sprinkler.
And, finally, the perfect position for you less active guys out there - you get to have great sex, can raise and lower her legs to hit different angles like a pro, and at the same time put out very little effort. There might even be room on the raft for your beer.( more fun with Bachelor)

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